Leading Through Anxiety

img

PRACTICE HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

实践健康的交流

在合适的时间，也要向你的员工袒露你的焦虑，但也不是事无巨细。

One of the most dangerous aspects of anxiety is that it’s contagious (感染性的，传染性的), and leaders set the tone. Daniel Goleman, the renowned psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence, calls this “neural Wi-Fi,” in which humans pick up on others’ unspoken feelings.

If you’re not admitting that you’re anxious but instead emitting irritability (易怒) or distraction, you’re not doing your staff any favors. But how can you be honest with your people in a way that doesn’t strike fear in them? What degree of emotion is appropriate to express?

Ultimately, how much you disclose is a personal decision. As an owner of a business and the host of a podcast about anxiety and mental health, I tend to be an open book (我倾向于开诚布公). But I know that most leaders don’t share their demons. Few feel comfortable starting a staff meeting with “Wow, I’m anxious today.”

But self-aware leaders know when it’s appropriate to be vulnerable. And here’s the thing: Your staff needs you to be transparent and honest about anxiety and mental health, especially when the future of your company and their livelihoods are uncertain.

Amelia Ransom, the senior director of engagement and diversity at Avalara, says that she wants her leaders to admit when they’re not doing OK, because it affirms (肯定，申明) her experience. “It makes me feel normal if someone I respect and trust admits they aren’t all right. I think, ‘Thank you for being human,’ and I want to follow that person.” Ransom recounts (讲述，重新叙述) a powerful moment when a senior executive in her company brought the staff together on a videoconference and said, “I can’t tell you, ‘You got this.’ What I can do is hold space for us to be together right now, to talk and figure some things out.”

Admitting “I’m anxious today” or “I didn’t sleep well” lets everyone else in the room breathe a little easier. (“Phew, it’s not my fault he is so tense.”) And remember, you don’t have to share details; just share the state you’re in.

The social psychologist Amy Cuddy tells us we need leaders who exhibit both warmth and strength. “Most leaders today tend to emphasize their strength, competence, and credentials (凭证，证书) in the workplace, but that is exactly the wrong approach,” she writes. “Leaders who project strength before establishing trust run the risk of eliciting fear, and along with it a host of (许多，大量) dysfunctional behaviors.” Nothing establishes trust more effectively than the emotional connection fostered through empathy and shared humanity. This is why being open about your own anxiety can be so powerful. It builds trust when you can ask teammates, “How are you?” and they don’t feel as if they have to lie or put on a happy face, because they know you feel the strain, too.

This doesn’t mean that you fall into a puddle (水坑，泥潭) of tears during a videoconference, of course, or visibly lose control. And while your workers might want to know that you’re closely monitoring cash flow to make sure bills get paid, they don’t need to know that your anxiety is deeply rooted in your parents’ money troubles during your childhood. It’s possible to model taking care of your mental health without making people lose confidence in your competence.

Imagine you’re in an anxiety spiral from reading news about Covid-19, but you need to lead a staff meeting in 10 minutes. You could open the meeting by saying, “Obviously, the news is getting more upsetting by the minute, but I want us to put that aside for the next half hour while we go through this call.” Or you could be even more vulnerable and share that you’re working to contain your scary thoughts by giving yourself what Glass calls a “worry hour,” when you allow yourself to indulge your biggest concerns before putting them away again and forging (稳步前进) on.

If you want to encourage people to share but don’t want the conversation to slip into an anxiety fest (集会，节日), you can use a red-yellow-green exercise. (Here are some tips from Reboot.) Team members individually indicate where their moods are that day with one of the three colors, and they can expand on why if they wish. This allows people to share if they feel comfortable doing so and gives you useful information about the emotions of the group. You can then adjust your communication style and messaging accordingly.

And remember, while being positive is important to prevent emotional contagion, you don’t want to give anyone false hope. If you get tough questions like “Is my job safe?” or “Will we be in business in six months?” it’s not your job to divine (占卜，预言) the future. No one has a crystal (水晶) ball, and so you can say what you know to be true in this moment and affirm (断言) the importance of working together and focusing on what each person can control.

See you tomorrow