Leading Through Anxiety

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SORT OUT THE PROBABLE FROM THE POSSIBLE

从那些你预想可能发生的槽糕的事中，找出最可能的出路

有时候我们会被当前槽糕的处境蒙蔽了双眼，觉得一切都完了，正所谓当局者迷，这时候我们可以尝试找些合适的“旁观者” (narrator), 他们可能处在一个相对较客观和冷静的立场，我们的情况经由他叙述出来，可能你或者他就觉得其实也没有那么的槽糕，让你不在沉溺与那个糟糕的可能，而是去关注最有可能的出路，或者他能提供给你新的思路，让你找到新的方向，继续走下去。

Once you understand your triggers and tells, you can start developing a new relationship with your anxiety.

Remember, some anxiety is rational and helpful. In an economic downturn it makes sense for a leader to feel anxious. You might have to lay people off (裁员). Your business might fail. But you might find that you get stuck in a negative thought loop that prevents you from moving forward; you start obsessing (困扰). Boyes points out that some leaders get so focused on the worst-case scenario and overwhelmed by scary possibilities that they become frozen (僵化).

So how do you avoid being stuck? Here I turn to advice from Colonna: “Differentiate what’s possible from what’s probable. It is possible that everyone I love will die of a pandemic and I will lose everything I hold dear. But it’s not probable that everything that we love and hold dear will disappear.” Try to distinguish your worst fears from what is likely to happen. This will help calm you and give you space to move forward. So when a catastrophic thought comes into your head, such as “My partner and I are both going to lose our jobs” or “I’m definitely going to get sick,” remember that you’re an unreliable narrator when you’re anxious. Check in with someone else you trust and ask for that person’s help in telling what is likely to unfold from what is a long shot.

Back in early March, when the stock market first slumped (下跌，骤降) and people’s fears about Covid-19 spiked (尖的，达到顶峰) (人们对Covid-19冠状病毒疾病的恐惧达到顶峰时), one of my biggest clients canceled work with my small business. I quickly convinced myself that our company was doomed (劫数难逃，命中注定), that it would be only a matter of (大约；…的问题) months before we had to close up shop. “We’ll never survive this,” I kept telling myself. But then I consulted my business partner — a more reliable narrator (叙述者) than I — and she suggested we readjust our forecast, which we did. Now we’re projecting that we’ll lose half our revenue for the year. This is probable and upsetting, but it’s far different from going out of business (破产，倒闭) completely.

Focusing on what’s probable also takes flexibility — the future won’t be what you thought, and that hurts. When my preschooler really wants to keep coloring (画画), but it’s time for dinner, I ask her, “Please be flexible. You can color later, I promise.” I’m now trying to do what I’ve taught my kids for years: to handle the disappointment of things not going the way I expected or wanted (处理那些没有按自己预期和想要的方式发展的令人失望的事情). These disappointments are real, and sometimes the changes are grave. Acknowledge the grief (悲痛，不幸) and anger you feel (at least to yourself) and then make adjustments, identifying the aspects of your vision that may still work, and focus on what’s probable.

See you tomorrow